Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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