I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
