Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
