I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
