so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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