I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
