And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
