i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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