Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
