this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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