Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
