Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
