What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
