Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
