Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
