When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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