Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
