It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
