i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your cock deserves a montage
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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