btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
