i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
