I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
