i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
