there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
