Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
