I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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