her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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