There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
