I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
