sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
