after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
