They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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