The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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