The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
