Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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