I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
