If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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