when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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