We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
