Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He kissed a someone with a penis
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
