Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
