I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
