32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
