he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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