Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
