He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
