Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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