my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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