I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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