I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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